Host Mi--Host Migr--Host Migration

"88? Why 88? Why such a random number like 88?" That's all I was thinking when this happened. Just to make it clear first of all: this was NOT groundwars as proven by the players on the teams. And even if it was, there would never be 88 points. 

What, did that JAAZY_7034 guy get 44 toe-shots awarded at 2 points each? Or that anach51 got 22 crotch-shots awarded at 4 points each? Or maaaybeee Jeremy_7034 (wait, wtf?) simply divided by 0 and malfunctioned the meaning of life. Who knows?

All I know it's something to do with ho migration. There were 3 within a short space of each other and although I have no evidence, the enemy team's score went apesh*t since then.

One source says it's due to hackers where they force the game into making them the host, rendering the match vulnerable to whatever assness they have on hand. In this case, raising the score cap...but the question I seriously can't figure out is: why 88?

YouTube Channel - Check It Out! Check It Out!

Gaming/Grinds has finally caught up with the online world and got itself a channel on YouTube! There's not much at the moment, but please check out what's there and subscribe, etc. The link is below.

>> Gaming/Grinds' Channel <<

Oh Look! A Nickel!

You would agree we gamers are lazy, right? We just like to quarantine in our sanctuary of a bedroom 24/7...no, check that - 25/8...and the idea of an unlimited supply of Tangy Cheese Doritos, and cola in one of those beer hard hats (research it if you don't know!) pretty much sum up heaven for us.

Ironically enough, even if this 'heaven' was on the other side of the same room, it'll instantly become hell to get, which introduces my next grind: collectables.

Now, I don't have anything personal against them. Collectables are pretty bad-ass; they can turn you into a fire-shooting Italian plumber, they can earn you that Trophy/GamerScore, darn, they can even unlock that 10 minute slideshow of concept art. See? Collectables are actually cool to...well, collect. But the fire ability burns out after a few seconds, the Trophy or GamerScore is of low value, and the slideshow of art is...*laughs* no one watches it from start to end anyway so who cares about the downsides? 

*serious face* The point is, are the collectables reeeeally worth it? Think back to the time you spent so many hours with your trusty IGN picture guide mercilessly gunning down pigeons, to get screwed by a remaining three you somehow missed. With 150 possible locations, I doubt you'll go back one by one looking for the furry little bastards so just say goodbye to that Platinum. Oh, and that other time you desperately needed the health pack that you just released by smashing the green crate, for it to only bounce up and down like frickin' Zebedee from The Magic Roundabout. You take so long to chase it down that you end up getting pawn'd, and it suddenly hits you that the last few seconds were like something out a cheesy 80's Scooby Doo episode.

In the end, collectables are kinda like women: you can't live with them, you can't live without them. *sigh*

[Image: http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/2714/184952-1up_large.jpg]

Ragdoll PhySUCKS

Sorry for the late post, guys. I've been lazy recently but I'm back...just for you.

Don't you gamers hate it when you reach Chapter 3 and start to notice that both your allies and enemies always die in the same 4 or 5 animations? No matter how they're disposed of - bullet wound, frag explosion, frying pan - they all seem to die in the exact same few ways: drop to their knees and grab their chests, or perform a ROFLcopter-like squirm in pain while muttering "This isn't what I signed up for."

Well, this is where ragdoll physics come in to play. We should all know what it is but...

"a collection of multiple rigid bodies tied together by a system of constraints that restrict how the bones may move relative to each other. When the character dies, his body begins to collapse to the ground, honouring these restrictions on each of the joints' motion, which often looks more realistic."

Thanks for that input, Wikipedia, as slightly nonsensical as it was.

But anyway, ragdoll physics are pretty much common for games these days but are they really "more realistic"? Sure there are some great moments like when you shot that guy mid-run once and he did some flying no-hands cartwheel...or, or that other guy who fell of a ledge and got his leg tangled within the railing leaving his arms to dangle widly. Fun times, remember?

BUT NOT REALISTIC.

If I wanted non-serious slapstick humour, I would have played LittleBigPlanet or, better yet, attack my sister unprovoked and see how the day would end.

Basically, before we play in a world where every single person is a master of extreme Yoga, games should adopt GTA IV's euphoria animation engine. Either that or be inspired by this moron:

[Image: http://th06.deviantart.net/fs29/300W/f/2010/026/b/8/b8e92cb5de6c4741561b76e2eb3ecee8.jpg]

[Quote: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragdoll_physics]

[Video: Portalenz]

Don't Do Drugs

Watch this video by Mega64. Awesome Resident Evil 4's Merchant real life parody! What are YOU buyin'?

Artificial Idiocy

Don't you just want to jump in your TV and dropkick your AI buddies at times? Like, imagine this: you're a soldier in command of a 4-man squad. You're under constant fire and are ordering your heavy gunner to lay down suppression while your two sniper units go to flank.

Sounds pretty text book, right? The two of you firing wildly hoping to hit something explosive and in a stereotypical red barrel, while your other guys head between the trees and attack from a higher angle. All hostiles killed. Next mission.

But here on Gaming/Grinds, things don't go so smooth. The reality is this: your heavy gunner is taking cover on the open side of the sandbags, your first sniper is continuously sprinting into a fence while your second seems to be doing good except for the fact that he's lying prone looking through his scope...about a yard away from the enemy. Epic long-distance shooting fail, man.

Then, to make things worse, you - alone - have to salvage whatever miniscule crumb of hope left by applying every FPS combo known to man.

Jump, crouch, strafe left, crouch, jump, strafe right, fragmentation grenade throw, jump is usually how it goes...all while shooting, reloading and checking the radar.

The thing about AI is that it's practically the game itself. If there are super computers out there that can play a tense match against an autistic chess athlete then I'm certain a game's programming can tell the difference between a brick wall and O_2.

<sub>I swear down, Sheva -- I mean, your partner's AI needs to sort itself 
out otherwise the only command I'll be ordering next is 'eject disc' 
if you get what I mean. Fission mailed.

[Image: http://yourhealthislow.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/200903
30.jpg]</sub>

BioFap

Watch this BioShock vid by sonofplunder69. I think sooomeone has a weird fetish of masturbating in public while wearing a diver's suit. And it's not me...for once!

Worst Liar Evar?

Don't you just hate it when you're trying to make Gotham city a better place but all people do is lie to you? Like this douchebag in screenshot #1 (and no, not Batman). 

To put it simply, Batman has just rescued this helpless civilian from a dangling cage over a very high drop. If you choose to speak to him after, he says he's afraid of heights as confirmed in screenshot #2: "Thought I was going to pass out. I can't stand heights."

Now this is where it gets interesting. For being afraid of heights, the FIRST thing this guy does after leaving the cage is go straight to the railing and look OVER it in the drop below. 

What makes this even more of a fail is that the bottom of the drop is not visible; it's just an endless abyss of shadow but yet he insists on looking [#3].

If you come back later, you actually then find the very same guy on the floor, having either told the truth and eventually passing out...or spontaneously giving up on life because of the unbearable tormenting guilt [#4].

So here's a lesson to all you kids out there: you shouldn't lie to a Y-front-wearing man with an IQ of 192.

Plati--RAGE

Did you know it was only a few days ago I successfully earned my first ever PlayStation 3 Platinum trophy from Resident Evil 5? I was shocked for a few reasons: firstly, I always thought the Slayers-related trophies were needed for the Platinum's requirements. And me usually getting a C and the odd-B never thought it was possible to achieve the stated tasks so I pretty much lost all hope. Secondly, it was only when I survived that damn Jill fight at 1:30 a.m. on professional mode, I had completed all chapters and realised it was only the CAMPAIGN trophies required. And thirdly...I just never believed I was good enough.

So anyway, the point of this article was to complain on the grind of collecting all the trophies (which I now believe to only include non-online ones) to come across at least a single trophy that hinders your progress through the gaming ranks. I gurantee if you're playing a proper game, there is always gonna be a trophy pretty much impossible to achieve without some seeeerious effort. Usually it's along the lines of  "Finish the game in Crushing Mode" (Uncharted 2: Among Thieves) or "Complete all challenges in the game" (Bionic Commando).

Basically, if you want your Platinum trophies be prepared to get butt-raped again and again for days...

...by a midget in a bikini.

[Image: http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/user/1/17189-130475-RageFace2png-620x.jpg]

Honey, I'm Pretty Sure We've Passed This Residence Already

Any idea on what to do when you have a revolutionary and insta-classic last-gen title to follow up on with the capabilities of  a next-gen console? You pretty much copy the game albeit with new characters, updated graphics and an even higher emphasis on action, that's what.

Yes, guys, I'm talking about Resident Evil 4 and 5. I've actually wanted to share this subject for a while and it occured to me once more as I recently purchased Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition (as my original disc broke but I get extras so that's awesome).

Now, I'm actually quite fond of this game and its fun factor when playing co-op online so I'm not exactly flaming on the game overall. The thing that I'm criticising mostly though are the environments. If you compare RE4 to 5, you'll notice the basis of the environments are similiar. You wanted a creepy, desolate town to return? It's there. Underground mine facility? Suffer the claustrophobia...again. A QTE-filled corridor where something is crashing down from above? I hope you got that finger fixed. 

And it's doesn't stop at the environments, no; the treasures to sell, the full-time partner, the gun-wielding and body armour-wearing 'zombies', the over-the-shoulder camera perspective, and the food-related currency - potatoes for Spain, chicken nuggets for Africa - ALL making a comeback.

Anyway, I'm done here, but one last tip: fire that Spanish tutor and hire an African one this time 'round because unless you understand the Majini's language, it's 101% guaranteed you'll subjectively believe they're saying "Kool Aid."

[Image: http://www.22gee.org/pc/wallpapers/Abstract/big/abst_12_med.jpg]

Modern Whorefare

Is this the cruel life we must live? Oh, Modern Warfare, how I hate you so. Mainly because you have achieved what I have not, and most likely will not, in my life: mass popularity, mass revenue and mass popularity...again. The other reason I hate you is because pretty much EVERYONE fails to understand that without the Holy Grail of the multiplayer, you are just a decent shooter.

I will willingly admit I only have the first MW and therefore can only speak about that game from personal experience but, boy, this whole soon-to-completely-remove-the-Call-Of-Duty-name franchise is way overrated. After playing through the "epic" campaign many a time and having my fair share of the competitive matches, I am now actually bored with them.

*sigh* Maybe it's because I am a non-Prestiger with a rank of 40-something but I don't see the point of anyone getting so worked up on reaching the level cap, I mean, when you get there...what happens next? You don't get to convert your KDR to real money or unlock new friends at college since you'll probably end up like that douchebag from Reckless Tortuga's The Online Gamer or that other one from YouTube.

I'm not saying I want the franchise to die (*cough*) but I would like for it to at least lose the title of  "King of FPS" because it isn't...it's more the concubine.

Hell, in that case I might as well blame this game and Infinity Ward for AIDS.

[Image: http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2010/2/20/634022761330067930-CallofBooty.jpg]

How Many Inches Long Is Your...Game?

8 hours. 8 hours is now the official average next-gen game length. For most of us passionate gamers, like me, a game that "long" can be completed in one sitting with nothing but a fully charged controller and a single bathroom break. Seriously?

I'm not sure if it was because of our low-mid expectations of creations back on the PlayStation 1 and 2 but I'm pretty sure they took days, even weeks, to finish.

And of course I'm talking about non-RPG titles as I can hear the odd fanboy/girl muttering "But ES4: Oblivion has 300+ hours and that's excluding side quests" and I'm not gonna lie, I know some developers are making games for the entertainment of its customers (hint: MGS4) but no...just no.

In my honest opinion, some developers use up too much disc space on high polygons and shiny textures that there's only so much space for 3 levels which they'll call 'chapters' to make it seem more fulfilling. Not many people would care about barely decent next-gen graphics if they had an extremely lengthy, addictive and captivating game from start to end.

Oh, and in case you guys and girls weren't aware, Deniable Ops aside, Splinter Cell Conviction's main game is supposedly about 5 hours.
W..T..F..?

[Image: http://www.neonsign.com/eng_neonsigns/images/open24hoursneon.jpg]